


if it's not too late

by jeosheo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Feelings, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, of course
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-11-28 08:28:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11414073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeosheo/pseuds/jeosheo
Summary: True story: the first time that Kihyun sees his new boss, the first thing that jumps into his head is,Boy,am I in fucking trouble.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER
> 
> hello friends, i am here! a couple small warnings:
> 
> 1) a brief moment of one character being physically combative with another (basically, slapping); here’s a spoiler for the location of that in case you’d like to know in advance: (spoiler alert—during the showki fight towards the chapter’s end, kihyun does the slapping). 
> 
> 2) a character _starts_ to experience a panic attack so there are some descriptions, but it gets cuts short so the attack isn't in full. but that beginning's still there so if you’d like to know the location: (spoiler alert—right before the presentation, kihyun experiences it as he runs away to hide in a closet). 
> 
> 3) kihyun experiences some internalized homophobia but no explicit self-degradation, and his narrative reflects on a het relationship, but there's no het romantic or sexual scenes here, in case that's important. 
> 
> i really hope you enjoy and that you’re doing well!

True story: the first time that Kihyun sees his new boss, the first thing that jumps into his head is, 

_Boy,_

_am I in fucking trouble._

And then the new boss gives Kihyun a cursory once-over, top to bottom, and scowls and asks, “Who’re you?”

And Kihyun’s inner monologue switches to, _what a fucking dick._

“Yoo Kihyun,” Kihyun says. “Nice to meet you.”

The guy looks unimpressed. “And you’re showing me around?” He doesn’t even bother to introduce himself. 

“Sure am,” says Kihyun, unable to hold back at least a _little_ bit of sarcasm.

The guy grins smugly.

Oh, what an excellent beginning.

—

Kihyun’s new boss doesn’t talk much. He’s tall and broad, wrapped in a dark suit that makes him look particularly imposing, and he’s got short black hair that’s styled up in the front in a way that Kihyun can only describe as _dickish._ His face is, apparently, stuck in an impassive expression, and whenever he asks Kihyun a question, he phrases it like he already doesn’t like the answer. 

His name is Son Hyunwoo. Kihyun does not like him. 

—

Apparently, Son Hyunwoo is some kind of a big deal. Kihyun knows this because, when Minhyuk had asked the other day who the new boss was going to be, and Kihyun had answered “Son Hyunwoo,” Minhyuk had said, “oh yeah, that guy’s supposed to be some kind of a big deal.” 

Kihyun shows Hyunwoo around the floor that he works on—well, the floor they both work on now, he supposes—and with some relief realizes that it’s not just him; Hyunwoo seems dissatisfied by everyone and everything he encounters. He regards the entire floor with dispassionate disapproval, occasionally responding to Kihyun’s comments with low, condescending _oh, yeah’_ s.

“Where’s your office?” he asks, cutting Kihyun off mid-sentence.

Peeved, Kihyun guides them towards his own space, down the hall from Hyunwoo’s. Hyunwoo surveys it like he’s watching a TV screen playing static fuzz. Kihyun silently considers that he probably should’ve taken the Stitch plushie off his desk earlier.

Minhyuk had described Hyunwoo as a big shot fixer, sweeping through departments and hiking up profit. Impressively efficient, productive as hell. 

Probably because he’s a smug robot, Kihyun reasons. 

For example.

“You seem to like working here,” Hyunwoo observes, as they come towards the end of their tour.

“I do.” Kihyun feels a little warm with pride as he shares, “Especially this department. Last year was its best year, actually. We’re doing really well.”

“You’re not, actually,” says Hyunwoo.

Kihyun turns to Hyunwoo. “What?”

“You’re not doing well,” Hyunwoo repeats. “The department’s underperforming, compared to the rest of the building.”

Kihyun reels, absorbing,

one: the _rude_ suggestion that his department sucks, and 

two: the downright insulting suggestion that Hyunwoo’s been brought here _because_ Kihyun’s department sucks.

“Wow,” is all Kihyun can say, making a sound that isn’t really a laugh.

“Is that my office over there?” Hyunwoo asks, unconcerned. “We’re done looking around, right?”

Kihyun’s only too glad to tell him _yes._

—

When Kihyun gets back to his office and checks his phone, he finds a text from Seulgi. _Are we still on for Friday?_

All Kihyun writes back is, _sure,_ but it still takes him nearly five minutes to send it. He and Seulgi are caught in a strange place of reconciliation that’s made them both overly polite, and it means that now Kihyun deliberates on every word he speaks or writes, so that all communication takes ten times as long.

_How about dinner?_ she writes.

Kihyun hesitates. He imagines the awkward silence likely to descend over any meal they try to have together. 

_Maybe a movie?_ he suggests instead. Less talking, more watching. _I’ll check the times._

_Sounds good,_ she sends back. _Let me know._

—

“Alright,” Hoseok says, slapping at the tabletop and sliding into the seat opposite Kihyun’s. “Gimme the scoop.”

Kihyun can’t help a smile. “Such a gossip.”

“Why _thank_ you,” Hoseok says brightly, splaying an elegant hand across his chest. “Anyway. Spill! I haven’t seen him yet. What’s he like?”

Ugh, right. Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“That bad?” Hoseok asks, before Kihyun can even speak.

“Yes!” Kihyun insists, and he explodes just a little bit, because he hasn’t been able to complain to anyone else about it yet. He stabs at his food. “He’s a total asshole! So fucking smug. You wouldn’t believe it.”

“I would,” Hoseok assures him, eating with much more elegance. “What’d he do?”

“He insulted the department, right to my face. Apparently this place isn’t good enough for him.” Kihyun gestures to indicate the space around them. Now, the sterile, fluorescently-lit company cafeteria might not be the best place to make his point, but he goes with it. “He was rude from the first second. I bet he’s going to fire a bunch of people. And then he’ll treat me like his own personal assistant, mark my words. I’ll be fetching coffee in no time.”

Hoseok frowns. “You would make a terrible secretary.”

“Thanks?” Kihyun guesses, holding back a laugh.

He stills when he spots Hyunwoo striding into the cafeteria. Kihyun’s surprised the guy even deigns to show up in such a place. Kihyun indicates his head towards the entrance, over Hoseok’s shoulder. “There. That’s him.”

Hoseok, lacking any subtlety in this world or any other, turns nearly his whole body to look.

“Jesus fuck,” he says. “Yeah sure, you said he’s a jerk, but you didn’t say he was fucking _gorgeous.”_

Kihyun’s ears go hot. 

“I mean, holy hell,” Hoseok adds, but when he turns back and catches Kihyun’s expression, he clears his throat.

Hoseok and Kihyun have been friends for a while, and they’ve seen each other and hung out nearly every day since Hoseok started working here. And Kihyun knows Hoseok’s into guys. It’s not a problem or anything. But there’s always this unspoken discomfort when it comes up in conversation between them, so Hoseok’s learned to back off the topic. Maybe Kihyun has too. 

“Anyway,” Hoseok says. “He’s only been here for what, a day?”

“A day and a half,” Kihyun corrects, ripping viciously into his carton of juice.

Hoseok takes the carton before Kihyun can massacre it completely. “Okay, so, give the guy a chance. Maybe he’s just got a rough exterior. Needs time to warm up.” 

“I doubt it,” Kihyun complains, stealing back his juice and taking a resentful gulp. 

But he does take a second to, against all of his instincts, _try_ and be optimistic. 

—

Nope, Hoseok was wrong. Hyunwoo’s as bad as Kihyun thought. 

The first thing Hyunwoo, as Kihyun’s new boss, asks Kihyun to do is to make copies.

The second thing is for Kihyun to deliver those copies to other departments.

_I fucking told you,_ Kihyun struggles to text Hoseok, with his phone in one hand and six million copies in the other. _And the next thing will be—_

The third thing is to fucking bring him coffee.

“Are you serious?” Kihyun blurts, unable to hold back. 

Hyunwoo smirks.

“Just wanted to see if you’d do it,” he says. He looks back at his computer screen like Kihyun isn’t even there, waiting for a goddamn explanation. 

“Excuse me,” Kihyun says. 

“What,” Hyunwoo says. “Do you need me to tell you to leave?”

_”Excuse me,”_ Kihyun repeats, voice bordering on shrill. 

The fourth thing Hyunwoo tells Kihyun to do is to go away. 

—

“I thought that was pretty good,” Seulgi murmurs, as they make their way out of the theatre.

Kihyun nods. The movie had been nice. And the date too, he thinks. They didn’t do much interacting, but they’d laughed together at the same parts, and when the protagonist was made fun of for being clumsy, Seulgi’d elbowed him with a _that’s you_ grin, and Kihyun had grinned back. 

“Good choice,” he commends, and she grins shyly. God, she’s beautiful, almost objectively, Kihyun thinks. Kihyun always thought that if she tried, Seulgi could be a model, or a famous actress, or something. How Kihyun ended up with her at any point in time is completely beyond him.

“How’s work?” she asks, and Kihyun’s abruptly yanked from his good mood.

Hyunwoo’s smug face flashes across his mind. Kihyun coughs. 

“Um.” He crushes his empty fountain drink and tosses it into the next trash can they pass. “Not the greatest.”

“Oh no.” Seulgi’s beautiful face pulls into a frown. “What is it?”

Kihyun’s about to complain, but he thinks better of it. _Better not to bring it up,_ says some voice in the back of his head. She doesn’t want to hear him complain about work anyway. That’s awful date talk. 

“It’s fine,” he finally says. “Just some changes in management. It’ll work out. How’s work for you?”

Seulgi brightens, and Kihyun lets himself get lost in her update.

—

“What are you doing?” Kihyun asks, as Hyunwoo slips into step beside him.

“Going to the meeting you told me about,” Hyunwoo says, doing that sophisticated one-handed button-up thing with his suit jacket that Kihyun was never able to get down. 

“…Why?”

“Seriously?” Hyunwoo says. He looks entertained. 

Okay yeah, Hyunwoo’s the boss, but these are _Kihyun’s_ people. He always does these meetings. He doesn’t need help. He doesn’t need some new person—who doesn’t even know what’s going on—to step in and mess things up.

“You don’t need to come with me,” Kihyun insists, as politely as he is able. Infuriatingly, he has to walk a little faster to keep up with Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo does laugh this time. _“You_ don’t need to come with _me.”_

Kihyun actually stops in his tracks. 

“But if you do tag along,” Hyunwoo lilts, stopping too and rounding on Kihyun, “you can let me do the talking.” 

Kihyun has to take a deep breath, so he can resist the urge to punch Hyunwoo in the face. 

“I’m going,” he tells Hyunwoo, voice faltering with rage. “With you.”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “Alright.” He resumes walking. “But if you talk, try not to embarrass yourself, okay?”

—

Kihyun doesn’t realize he’s walked all the way down a floor and into Hoseok’s office until he’s shouting inside of it.

“He’s just so fucking _rude!”_ Kihyun exclaims.

Hoseok stares at him, frozen mid-type. 

“Oh god,” Kihyun says. “This isn’t one of those deals where I’m on speakerphone with all your bosses, is it?”

Hoseok’s mouth drops open, but thank god, he laughs. “Nah, it’s just me.” He leans back in his chair, intrigued. “Is this about the new boss? Hottie McHotterson?”

Kihyun sighs, dropping into one of the chairs in front of Hoseok’s desk. “I miss my old boss.”

Hoseok frowns. “Ah, but he was _way_ less hot.”

Kihyun’s not going to get into that. “Who cares, he let me do whatever I wanted.” He waves a hand. “Not even that, he let me do my _job.”_

Hoseok leans back in his chair. “So.”

“So?”

“So,” Hoseok says, “stand up for yourself. Take back your responsibilities.”

Kihyun grimaces. Hyunwoo already doesn’t like him, and getting in his face or telling him off can’t help. “I don’t know if it’s come to _that.”_

“Maybe not,” Hoseok says. “But it doesn’t hurt to have the option, can it?”

—

When he next visits Hyunwoo’s office, Kihyun finds his new boss sitting with his feet propped up on his desk. As in, his actual _shoes_ are resting on the desk’s surface. Like that’s a thing people do. Like he’s king of the building. Kihyun holds back a sigh.

“Hi,” Kihyun greets, brandishing a stack of documents. “Um, if you have a moment to sign some stuff.”

Hyunwoo beckons Kihyun over—what, he can’t even say _come in_?—and Kihyun passes documents over one by one while resisting the urge to tell Hyunwoo to put his feet down.

“You have plans for the weekend?” Hyunwoo asks, handing back a signed form.

The question surprises Kihyun, since Hyunwoo’s never shown anything more than total disinterest in him as a living creature. “Um, yeah,” he answers. He hands over a packet. “I have plans.”

“With friends?”

“Sort of.”

“Girlfriend?” Hyunwoo flips through the packet to get to the last page.

Kihyun’s about to correct Hyunwoo, but then he realizes that he doesn’t know how to explain that he and Seulgi were once a couple, and then were almost engaged, and then broke off the engagement, and now are spending time together again after three months apart, and maybe are now getting back together, so instead he just answers, “Yeah.”

Hyunwoo laughs shortly, like it’s funny. Funny that Kihyun has plans with his girlfriend.

Irritation crawls under Kihyun’s skin. “What?”

“Nothing,” Hyunwoo says, but when he looks up at Kihyun, he looks like he’s holding in another laugh. 

Kihyun does not like to be laughed at. 

“Is that all?” he asks, itching to get away. 

“I don’t know. Is that all?” Hyunwoo echoes. He inclines his head towards Kihyun’s stack of papers, and Kihyun remembers that he’s the one who came in to ask for signatures. 

It’s not all, there’s more stuff to be signed, but Kihyun will make someone else get the signatures, or ask Hyunwoo again another day. He’ll forge the signature if he has to. He just can’t be around this asshole any longer. “Yeah, that’s it,” he says, departing with a bitter, “thanks.”

Hyunwoo carelessly calls after him, “Have a good date.” 

Kihyun shakes it off and shuts himself away in his office till the day’s end.

—

Kihyun’s able to avoid Hyunwoo for a fantastic day and a half before they interact again, and when they do talk again, Kihyun’s right in the middle of a text conversation with Seulgi. Lately he’s been trying to message her whenever he’s had a break at work, but today the exchange has been—well, bizarre. The conversation keeps switching between horrifyingly boring and teetering _right_ on the edge of some kind of disagreement, and Kihyun has no idea why. 

“Oh good, you’re here,” comes Hyunwoo’s voice, and he sounds bored. Kihyun puts down his phone as Hyunwoo rounds his desk. “I need you to go talk to someone for me, first with Accounting to ask if they’ve signed off on those budget records—”

“No,” says Kihyun.

“And then check about that guy I’m meeting with later, whatshisname—” 

“No.”

Hyunwoo pauses. 

“What?”

“I said no,” Kihyun repeats. 

Hyunwoo stares at him. 

“I’m not doing that, I’m not doing any of that,” Kihyun says. 

“Oh yeah?” Hyunwoo responds, expression unreadable.

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “None of that is my work. Before you showed up I ran practically everything, and now you’re just stealing a bunch of that from me.” Another deep breath. “I’m not some intern who you can make fetch things, and I’m not your messenger.” He looks at Hyunwoo pointedly. “So no, I will not do that. I will do _my_ job, and you will do yours, whatever that is, I have no freaking clue, and you will stop ordering me around. And,” he tries to seem authoritative, “you are _not_ firing anyone.” 

“I’m not firing anyone,” Hyunwoo says. 

Kihyun exhales. “That’s right.”

“No,” Hyunwoo says, “I’m saying, I wasn’t _going_ to fire anyone.”

“Oh,” Kihyun says, surprised. 

Hyunwoo asks, “Where’d you get that idea?”

Kihyun doesn’t know. He half-shrugs. Hyunwoo raises a brow. 

“Okay.” He crosses his arms. “No more errands. No more taking work tasks from you. I’ll let you be. Is that what you wanted?”

“Yes,” Kihyun says slowly, though it kind of feels like a trap.

“Wish granted,” Hyunwoo says. When Kihyun doesn’t respond, he adds, “What? Do you have a question?”

“No,” Kihyun says. 

Hyunwoo does something very disarming. He smiles at Kihyun. 

“I had no idea I was getting under your skin,” he says. 

Kihyun hopes to god he’s joking.

—

“Helloooo?” a hand waves in front of Kihyun’s face, pulling him from his thoughts. “Anyone home?”

Kihyun swats Jooheon’s hand away. 

“Ey! He lives!” Jooheon shouts over the thumping music. Jooheon points at Kihyun’s head. “What’s goin’ on in there, princess?”

“I was just thinking,” Kihyun shouts back. “You should try it.” 

The whole table _ooohs._ “Shots fired!” Minhyuk crows.

“We’re gonna go dance.” Jooheon tilts his head towards the dance floor, where the lights are dancing in time with the pounding bass. “Take a break from all that thinking,” Jooheon adds, and Hoseok elbows him, eyes bright.

“I would, but I don’t want to show you up,” Kihyun teases, and Jooheon laughs. Kihyun waves them away, and Jooheon wrangles Hoseok and Minhyuk with him to the dance floor, leaving Kihyun and Changkyun to nurse their drinks.

“You okay?” Changkyun asks.

“I’m fine,” Kihyun says, but he can hear how uncomfortable it sounds.

“Is it Seulgi?” 

Kihyun shakes around the ice at the bottom of his empty glass. “It’s—a lot of things.” 

“You know,” Changkyun says, “you don’t have to get back together with her, just because you can.”

“That’s not what it is,” Kihyun says automatically. He knows that, anyway. He doesn’t know why Changkyun would think he doesn’t. 

“Are you sure?” Changkyun asks, and it’s very polite, but Kihyun is not interested in this conversation right now.

Better cut it off at the pass. “I’ll just—I’m gonna go get another drink.” Kihyun gets up and heads to the bar.

He’s waiting for his drink, leaning up against the bar, when someone sidles up next to him. He looks to see who it is, and—oh, _come on._

“Hey there,” Hyunwoo greets, smug grin in place. And Kihyun thought he could get away from this guy for _one_ goddamn second. 

Turns out Hyunwoo’s presence is just as annoying outside of their office building as it is inside it; he lazily leans up against the bar the same way he reclines in his chair at the office, like he can take up as much space as he wants, no problem, and the after-hours effect is driven home by his wearing a blazer that looks a lot like a suit jacket, but with a v-neck under it. He looks tousled and hazy under the bar lights, and Kihyun _really_ hopes he isn’t drunk.

“How are you,” Kihyun deadpans. 

Sounding pretty sober, Hyunwoo answers, “I’m well.” Ugh, even _that’s_ annoying. Kihyun’s never been so irritated by proper grammar. “How about you?”

“Fine,” Kihyun answers, praying for his drink to arrive.

“Where’s that girlfriend of yours?” 

Kihyun’s cheeks pink. 

“She’s not here tonight.” He taps at the shellacked surface of the bar. He doesn’t know why, but then he adds, “she’s not actually my girlfriend, right now.”

Hyunwoo just smiles. 

“I bet,” is all he says. He takes a drink from his glass.

Kihyun feels like he’s missing something. Something lost in all the sounds and lights around them. “What?” 

Hyunwoo doesn’t answer. 

Irritated, Kihyun repeats, _“What?”_

“Nothing,” Hyunwoo says.

“Tell me,” Kihyun insists, prickling with annoyance.

Hyunwoo shakes his head. Still smiling, he says, “I hope you’re happy.”

Kihyun stares at Hyunwoo. 

He hears his drink clink down onto the bar in front of him.

“Thanks,” Kihyun says to the bartender, and grabs his glass and strides away. 

“Who was that?” Changkyun asks, when Kihyun’s back at their corner.

“No one,” Kihyun says. He throws back his drink, then slams the glass down onto the low table in front of them. “Come on, let’s dance.”

—

“What’d she say?…Yeah, I guess it’s a little weird. You’re right. But do you feel okay about it?”

Kihyun balances his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he listens to Seulgi’s answer, and tries to clear off his desk at the same time. Thankfully, their conversation today is much less stilted than most of their recent exchanges have been, but Kihyun is still taking things slow, just in case. Phone conversations seem safer than in-person ones right now. 

“No, that’s good! Good.” Kihyun’s phone buzzes against his ear uncomfortably, and Kihyun grimaces. “How has the week been otherwise?” he asks, but his phone buzzes against his ear again a couple times, and he squirms. “Hold on, someone won’t stop texting me.” He pulls the phone away to check. 

_yrly summaries???_ Minhyuk’s texted, roughly eight thousand times.

Right—there are yearly presentations each department has to do to tell the higher-ups what they’ve accomplished, and the departments must’ve just gotten the emails with their deadlines. Kihyun usually takes on the project by himself, and unsurprisingly, no one has fought to take it away. Kihyun prefers it like that anyway. 

Minhyuk wants to confirm that Kihyun’s doing his project alone again this year—Minhyuk always complains that he’s required to do it with a bunch of unreliable teammates who heap all the work on him—and Kihyun opens up his email to find what Minhyuk’s talking about and yeah, it’ll be Kihyun’s baby again this year, as it should be. 

He’s about to quickly text Minhyuk back, something smug along the lines of _you’re so jellyyyyy_ when something in the email catches his eye, and. Actually.

No, Kihyun will not be working on the project alone.

Kihyun lifts the phone back up to his ear. “Seulgi,” he says, voice faltering. “Can I call you back?”

—

“Okay,” Hoseok says carefully. “Let’s just—take a step back from the situation.”

“I can’t work with him,” Kihyun pleads, like Hoseok can change the decision. 

Hoseok shakes his head. “You can, Kihyunnie.”

“I can’t. I can’t.” Kihyun begins to feel himself slip into panic. “I hate him.”

“Kihyun, just _sit down,”_ Hoseok begs.

Kihyun obeys, halting his pacing. He takes a deep breath in, and out. 

“God,” he whines, resigned.

Hoseok picks up the Stitch plushie sitting on Kihyun’s desk and waves it at Kihyun.

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok says, moving the plushie in time with his words. “Tell us why you don’t want to work with your boss.”

Kihyun grits his teeth. 

“Because I hate him.”

“Tell the truth, Kihyun,” insists Hoseok, and Kihyun looks away, face hot.

“I just don’t want to. Work with him.”

Hoseok sighs. Kihyun feels the plushie press at his cheek. 

“Mwa!” Hoseok says, smacking his lips, and Kihyun can’t help a half-laugh.

Hoseok replaces the plushie on Kihyun’s desk. “It’ll be fine,” he assures Kihyun.

God, Kihyun hopes so.

—

“I was thinking,” Hyunwoo says.

“No,” Kihyun says immediately. He flicks a paperclip across his desk. 

Hyunwoo’s eyes follow the paperclip as it whizzes by him, but he doesn’t comment. “We should include the changes I want to implement. In the presentation.”

Kihyun swallows back his anger, and resists aiming the next projectile at Hyunwoo’s forehead. “We don’t need changes.”

“My job is to make changes,” Hyunwoo says. “Or else I wouldn’t have been brought to the department.”

“We _don’t need changes,”_ Kihyun repeats. He’s getting more mad than he should allow himself to be, but he can’t help it. “We don’t need your help.”

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo says, and Kihyun stills, realizing he’s never heard Hyunwoo say his name out loud before. “This wasn’t my idea. Us doing the project together. It’s just how it was assigned.” 

“Right.”

“I’m serious,” Hyunwoo says, and he actually does look serious. 

Kihyun pauses. Is Hyunwoo—is he trying to make sure Kihyun isn’t _mad at him?_ “I have some ideas,” Hyunwoo continues, “if you would chill for a second to listen to them.”

“You gonna fire people?” Kihyun snarks.

“No, _Kihyun—”_ Hyunwoo looks exasperated, and Kihyun is stunned again by Hyunwoo using his name. “I’m not going to fire anyone. Would you let that go? No one ever said anything about firing.”

Kihyun huffs. “Then what are you going to do?” 

“Redistribute the budget,” Hyunwoo says, and Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“So, firing.”

“Would you just listen for a second?” Hyunwoo says. “Okay, look. Here’s an example. You know how we reward employees for loyalty? These like, celebrations and certificates for sticking around?” 

“Yeah,” Kihyun says reluctantly.

“Right now we do it for people staying for a long time, you know, you’ve been here for six months or a year, congrats, here’s a piece of paper.” Hyunwoo waves his hand in dismissal.

“Yeah, everyone does it like that,” Kihyun says, suspicious. 

“Yeah, but it doesn’t _work.”_ Hyunwoo flips through papers on his desk until he pulls out one that’s got a makeshift calendar scribbled onto it, next to a bunch of math. “You tell people, good job for staying here so long, and it seems like an incentive _but_ it actually makes employees feel old and like they’re not going anywhere. If anything, it sends them running to another job.” 

He holds up a finger. “But. What if we stop doing that, and start rewarding people for stuff that _actually_ has to do with their skill? Like coming up with unique solutions to problems, or finishing assignments early?” 

Kihyun doesn’t know what to say, so Hyunwoo continues, “We’ll come up with a system where people get rewards for doing things they enjoy, like being creative. _Then_ they’ll want to stay, because they’ll feel valued. What’s better than that?” He waves his hand again. “Plus, making these loyalty certificates for everyone is weird and it’s costing more money than you’d think.”

“But,” Kihyun says, “everyone’s fine with this system.” 

“Yeah they’re _fine,”_ Hyunwoo says, “because they don’t know there’s a better option out there.” 

“It’ll be weird,” Kihyun insists, but he’s not even sure if that’s true. “We’ll be different from all the other departments.”

“Yeah, but,” Hyunwoo spreads his hands, “who cares?” 

Kihyun…does not know. 

“This is what we put in the presentation.” Hyunwoo points again at the paper, and Kihyun can’t really read his scribbly handwriting, but he gets the point. “You said it yourself, you’ve got excellent people. They’re just not being incentivized properly. We’ll say, hey, we’re not _just_ doing a good job, we’ve also got ideas for how to make things better. And save money at the same time. Boom.”

Kihyun’s pretty sure Hyunwoo didn’t mean to say that _boom_ part out loud, since he looks slightly embarrassed about it, but Kihyun can’t even focus on that because he’s genuinely impressed. It’s a good idea, and for the first time, he’s pretty sure Hyunwoo has displayed the qualities of an _actual_ human being.

“See?” Hyunwoo says. “I told you I wasn’t going to fire anyone.” 

—

“I’ve got a big project due soon,” Kihyun shares, when he’s out grabbing coffee with Seulgi in the morning. She’d volunteered to walk him to work after, and they’re now almost at Kihyun’s building. “About three weeks from now.”

“Is it that yearly thing?” Seulgi asks, and Kihyun has to appreciate that she’s paid enough attention to remember things like that.

“Yep.” He rotates the cardboard sleeve around his coffee. “Actually, I probably won’t be able to talk or go out much during that last week, so. You know. I’m sorry in advance.”

“Oh.” Seulgi nods. “Sounds stressful, but I understand.” Her frown turns to a smile, and it’s as brilliant as ever. “Let’s do something to celebrate after. What do you think?” 

“Sounds good,” Kihyun says. That’ll be a relief. After all this is over, he can just go back to being with Seulgi, no complications. Perfect. 

“I hope someone’s helping you on that project this year,” she chides. “I know you can handle it but, last time it really seemed like a lot of work for one person.”

“Oh. No, um, it’s okay,” Kihyun says. “I’ve got help this time.”

“Really?” she says, brightening. 

“Yep, yeah,” Kihyun says quickly. “It’s not a big deal.”

—

“I don’t know,” Kihyun says. “It makes sense to _me,_ but I’ve been looking at it for two weeks. And if people can’t understand it, then we shouldn’t even present it.”

“Right. It makes sense to me too, but I made it.” Hyunwoo crosses his arms. _We made it,_ Kihyun mutters, mostly to be difficult, but of course Hyunwoo ignores him. “Should we bring someone else in? To check it out.”

“Maybe.” Kihyun tilts his head, squinting at the diagram they’ve thrown up onto the projector. “Or we could try rearranging it.” He backs up to get a better look. 

As he moves backwards, his legs hit the low table behind him and he almost trips off his feet. He’s just stopped from falling by a big pair of hands closing around his biceps. 

It takes Kihyun a second to register that Hyunwoo has caught him, and then another second to register that Hyunwoo is still holding him. Kihyun looks up at his boss, who is quite close, and his whole body goes warm with embarrassment. 

“I’m fine,” Kihyun grumbles, shaking his arms out of Hyunwoo’s grasp. 

As soon as he tries to get his bearings, though, he stumbles back over the table again, and Hyunwoo catches him once more. 

“Clumsy,” Hyunwoo says. 

“Don’t _touch_ me,” Kihyun snaps. 

Hyunwoo moves his hands off like they’re on fire. 

Kihyun tries not to think about how red his face must be. “Sorry,” he mutters, and Hyunwoo doesn’t say anything. Fuck. Shit. “Yeah, um, on second thought,” he adds quickly, “let’s get another pair of eyes on this.”

“I’ll make sure we find someone,” Hyunwoo volunteers, moving away, and after that they go almost back to normal. 

—

“Bright side,” Hoseok says. “It’ll be over soon. You present in a week, right?”

“Ten days,” Kihyun corrects. Hoseok’s phone buzzes for the millionth time in the past two minutes, and Kihyun gives him a look. “Check out Mr. Popular over here.”

“It’s nothing,” Hoseok says, but he looks kind of caught out.

“Did you guys start another group chat without me?” Kihyun asks. “Look, I still want everyone’s life updates, I just didn’t want to be a part of the Mountain Dew debate.”

Hoseok’s phone buzzes again, and his hand flies out to cover the screen. “It’s not that! It’s just someone I met. A friend. A new one.” He turns the phone over. “No big deal.” He distracts Kihyun when he adds, “It was Code Red, by the way. That’s the best flavor.”

“I truly don’t care,” Kihyun warns, but of course Hoseok doesn’t listen. 

He’s just about to describe to Kihyun why Jooheon believes the white flavor is part of a government conspiracy when Hyunwoo appears in the doorway. 

“I’ll see you later,” Kihyun tells Hoseok, and Hoseok politely bids Kihyun goodbye, walking past Hyunwoo to exit.

Hyunwoo asks, “Who’s that?”

“Who’s who?”

“That guy,” Hyunwoo says. Kihyun’s not sure if it’s just him, but Hyunwoo’s expression seems especially impassive, even more than usual. “The one who was just here.”

“Hoseok?” Kihyun says. “He works here. A floor down.”

“You seem to hang out with him a lot.” 

Kihyun almost laughs from how weird Hyunwoo is being. “It’s just Hoseok.”

“Are you two,” Hyunwoo begins, then stops himself.

The suggestion is so bizarre and unexpected, and so disconcerting to Kihyun, that it makes something twist in his stomach. “What?” he says, and he means his words as a taunt, but what he says only heightens his discomfort. “You interested in him?”

But Hyunwoo emphatically tells Kihyun, _“No,”_ with enough intensity to knock Kihyun off kilter. 

Kihyun looks at him, and feels a… _something_ in the air between them. 

“You have to look these over,” Kihyun says, desperate for a diversion from this peculiar moment. He shoves a couple random pieces of paper into Hyunwoo’s hands and makes his exit. 

—

_I was thinking of you today :)_

_Is the project going okay?_

_I miss you! <3_

Kihyun replies to Seulgi’s texts before it’s too late in the evening, since he knows he’ll be stuck working with Hyunwoo for at least a couple more hours before he can go home. _I miss you too. The project is alright. I hope your day was good!_ Send. 

—

“It’s weird to put the budget that early in the slideshow, move it later,” Kihyun says, rubbing at his arms as he’s wracked with another shiver. “It’s like, uncouth to throw out numbers in the beginning. We’re better than that.” 

“Would you put on a jacket or something?” Hyunwoo puts the cap back on the marker he’s holding. “I’m tired of watching you shake like a chihuahua over there.” 

“I’m fine.” They’ve stayed late enough in the building that the heat has been turned off, and that wouldn’t be a problem, except that Kihyun is _freezing_ and Hyunwoo seems totally unaffected. Kihyun’s not going to wimp out in front of him. “It’s not that cold.” 

“Seriously,” Hyunwoo says. “I’m pretty sure you’re small enough to freeze to death.” 

“For real?” Kihyun complains. “I’m not _that_ much smaller than you.” But when he goes to write on the whiteboard they’ve dragged into the room, his hand shakes so badly that the marker skitters off the board’s surface. 

“Okay,” Hyunwoo announces, “enough.” He retrieves his suit jacket off the back of his office chair and flings it at Kihyun. “Put this on.” 

Kihyun catches the jacket. “No thanks,” he scowls. 

“Would you not?” Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. “I won’t be held responsible for whatever happens to you. I’ll probably get charged with endangering a child.”

Oh, but he’s just so _cold._ Resentfully, Kihyun tugs the jacket over his shoulders. “If it’ll shut you up,” he grumbles. Holy hell, he thinks he’s going to drown in this thing. He knew Hyunwoo was taller and broader than him, but come _on._ “How are you not freezing?” 

“I’m a human furnace,” Hyunwoo says absently. “Here, what about putting the budget halfway through?”

They call it quits an hour and a half later, Hyunwoo insisting that they both need sleep, and they clean up the office and get ready to leave. 

As they’re heading for the door, Hyunwoo stops and gives Kihyun a funny look. 

“What?”

Hyunwoo gives Kihyun a once-over. “My jacket.” 

“Oh.” Kihyun blushes. He didn’t realize he was still wearing it. “Here.” He moves to take it off, but Hyunwoo stops him. 

“It’s fine, hold onto it.”

“No, no,” Kihyun says, because now it feels weird, and it’ll be weird if he keeps wearing it. 

“No, if you’re cold inside the building then you’ll definitely die once you step foot outside.” There’s no mention of the fact that Kihyun’s got a jacket somewhere in his own office too, and that it would take three seconds to go get it. Hyunwoo’s gaze won’t quite focus on Kihyun. “Just take it, give it back tomorrow.” 

Kihyun fidgets. “But what about you?” 

Hyunwoo sighs dramatically. “Hopefully I’ll live.” 

—

“Hey.” 

Kihyun’s being gently shaken awake. His face is _really_ uncomfortable, on whatever it’s squished up against. 

“Hey,” the voice repeats.

Kihyun peels his face off—is that his desk?—his desk, apparently, and blinks a couple times to see Hyunwoo peering at him.

Shit. He must’ve fallen asleep. At work, _in front of Hyunwoo._ Christ. Last he remembers, Hyunwoo had headed off somewhere to retrieve more printer paper, and Kihyun was going to lay his head down for _one_ second. 

At least it’s after hours and no one else is here to witness it. “Well,” Kihyun says, hearing his own sleep-rough voice. “That’s embarrassing.”

Hyunwoo laughs. It’s oddly natural, not mocking like his laughs usually are. “It’s not that bad.” He settles back down into his chair on the other side of the desk, and props his feet up, but thankfully on the chair beside him and not on Kihyun’s desk. He smirks. “I’ve been caught in _much_ more embarrassing situations at work.”

Kihyun doesn’t want to know. “I don’t want to know,” he says.

Hyunwoo shrugs. “Fine.”

They sit there in silence for a second, and the Hyunwoo adds, “If you’re that tired, then you should probably just go—”

“I changed my mind, I want to know,” Kihyun says. “Your embarrassing thing.” 

Hyunwoo smiles. 

“Okay, so, once I slept over at work because I’d stayed really late—hold on, that’s not the embarrassing part—and when I got up in the morning, I thought it was before anyone had showed up, and I had a change of clothes in my office, so I decided to change.”

“Oh,” Kihyun can tell where this is going, “oh no.”

“I was in the middle of changing,” Hyunwoo gestures towards his large frame, “and my boss walked _right_ in.”

“Oh god,” Kihyun says. “Don’t say it was—”

“No bottoms,” Hyunwoo confirms. 

Kihyun groans. “Noooooo.”

“At least I had underwear on,” Hyunwoo grins. “I think it was the boxers with the hearts on them?”

Kihyun almost has to bite into his fist to stifle his laugh. Hyunwoo’s smile is unexpectedly goofy, and it surprises Kihyun into wanting to continue the conversation. 

“Okay, okay,” Kihyun has to hold back a smile, “I spilled coffee on an important client. With all my coworkers watching.”

“No, no,” Hyunwoo shakes his head.

_“All_ over,” Kihyun says, gesturing down towards his thighs. “Right into the lap. Steaming hot.” 

Hyunwoo laughs dorkily, his eyes crinkling up, and Kihyun laughs too. It looks like Hyunwoo’s about to share another story when Kihyun’s phone chimes. 

Kihyun means to just glimpse at the screen, but then he sees the message is from Seulgi. _Still stuck at work? :(_

Kihyun’s smile drops, and he mutters, “hold on, sorry,” and types out a reply as quickly as he can.

Hyunwoo’s expression is blank. “Was that your girlfriend?” he asks, after a long, uncomfortable silence. “Or, not girlfriend,” he adds, and Kihyun remembers their conversation at the bar from a while ago, when Kihyun had inexplicably disclosed that he and Seulgi were on the ‘off’ side of things. 

Kihyun considers not answering, but then says, “kind of.”

Hyunwoo raises a brow, so Kihyun elaborates, “We broke up, but now we’re…seeing each other again.” 

“Right.” After more silence, Hyunwoo follows up with, “What’s her name?”

“No,” Kihyun says.

Hyunwoo’s lips curl. _“No_ for a girl? Can’t say I’ve heard that one before.”

“No,” Kihyun says, “as in, no, I’m not telling you.” 

Hyunwoo’s smile disappears.

“I don’t think I should say,” Kihyun continues. He swallows against something heavy in his throat. “I don’t want to say. And I—I don’t think you want to know either.” 

Hyunwoo is uncharacteristically speechless for a moment. 

“You’re right,” he finally says. “I don’t.” 

—

It’s not that Kihyun’s relationship with Seulgi hasn’t been good. It’s been great. He likes spending time with her, and he can’t deny that there’s something excellent and really fun and magnetic about her that makes moments feel special. 

And it was never like the…well, the sex between them was bad. It was good. It was fine. Just never as exciting as Kihyun had thought sex with the person you loved would be. Seulgi always seemed to enjoy herself so Kihyun figured it was just him, maybe he wasn’t destined for that explosive affection or mind-blowing fucking that people always talked about.

Everything was fine, but then they started to talk about getting engaged, and during one conversation Kihyun just. Freaked. It wasn’t even a big deal. Just a moment of Seulgi joking about what their one-day life could be like. Having a fancy house, he thinks she said. With a picket fence. That was the fantasy. She wasn’t being serious. But it freaked Kihyun out so badly that he couldn’t move for twenty minutes.

It didn’t take them long to break up after that. 

—

“Are you alright?” Changkyun asks, pausing the show they’re watching. “You’ve been grinding your jaw over there for at least fifteen minutes.”

Kihyun exhales. Changkyun’s right; they’ve sat through two episodes of this new show Changkyun wanted them to watch and Kihyun couldn’t recall one plot point if someone put a gun to his head. And the point of this was for Kihyun to relax a bit before the presentation was close. “Just stressed out.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I guess,” Kihyun says, but he’s starting to think it’s not. He fidgets where he’s sat on the couch across from Changkyun. “It’s just work, and—you know, a lot of things.”

“How are things with Seulgi?” 

Kihyun bristles, but tries not to show it. “Fine.”

“Jooheon says you two went on a date,” Changkyun says. “How was it?”

“Fine,” Kihyun repeats. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly angry about it all of a sudden. Maybe it’s finding out that his friends are talking about him behind his back. Or maybe it’s because Changkyun has always been weirdly skeptical of Kihyun’s relationship with Seulgi, even after all this time. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Changkyun offers, and you know, for someone who is pretty quiet most of the time, Changkyun sure wants to gab with Kihyun about his problems. 

Kihyun says, “I don’t know,” but honestly, he doesn’t want to. 

“That’s okay.” Changkyun’s tone lightens as he shifts the subject. “You guys are celebrating after the presentation though, right? Maybe then all of us can do something together. All of us, and Seulgi can come too, and Hoseok can probably bring Hyungwon—”

Kihyun is so busy thinking about how weird it is for Changkyun to be willing to hang out with Seulgi that it takes him a second to realize he doesn’t know that last person. “Who’s Hyungwon?”

Changkyun makes a face like Kihyun’s messing with him. “You know, Hyungwon. You met him.”

“No,” Kihyun says slowly. “I didn’t.”

“You must’ve. He was at the…” Something passes over Changkyun’s face. 

“He was what?” Kihyun says. “Changkyun. Hey. He was what?” 

Changkyun looks unsure of himself. “It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not,” Kihyun insists. “Who is this guy?”

Changkyun knows he can’t escape, but he still takes a second before he speaks. “Hoseok’s boyfriend,” he says. “Or—they’re dating. Or something like that.”

Kihyun wants to say, _that’s bullshit, I’d know if Hoseok was dating someone,_ but when Changkyun regretfully tacks on, “I’m sorry,” Kihyun realizes Changkyun’s telling the truth. 

Something cold seeps into Kihyun’s veins. “Why wouldn’t he tell me?” he asks, but his voice is weak.

“Because…” Changkyun looks pained with holding back from saying something. “You…”

“I what?” Kihyun asks, feeling his breath quicken.

“You know,” Changkyun says quietly. He won’t quite look at Kihyun.

Kihyun feels frustrated and betrayed, but worse than that, he’s embarrassed. So when Changkyun begins, “Kihyun, you know that sometimes you”—Kihyun snaps a bit.

“This is not about me.”

“But it is,” Changkyun says, “that’s what I’m trying to say. If you would be honest with all of us, and maybe with yourself—”

“How can you—how can you say that?” Kihyun asks, and even though no one’s really said anything, Kihyun understands exactly what’s being implied. “Say something like that about me?”

Changkyun looks exhausted and distressed, and he loses some of his patience when he counters, “Everyone knows but no one’s willing to talk about it. If you’d just admit you’re—”

“Don’t,” Kihyun cuts him off. _“Don’t.”_

They sit in silence for a moment, before Changkyun breaks.

“Please,” Changkyun pleads, “I’m not trying to hurt you, Kihyun, but you need to understand that—”

“What I _need,”_ Kihyun says, “is friends who don’t try to tell me I’m something I’m not.” He stands from the couch and grabs his bag from the floor. “Don’t fucking call me,” he says, and slams the door to Changkyun’s apartment shut behind him.

—

“I think we should head in there soon. Kihyun. Kihyun?”

Kihyun looks up from his phone, deciding once again to leave the most recent set of texts from Hoseok unanswered. Hoseok’s been texting with increasing confusion and concern over the past couple days as Kihyun has refused to respond, and today he’s wished Kihyun well on the presentation even though he’s realized that Kihyun’s upset about something. They’re a half hour out from presenting, though, and Kihyun just doesn’t even have the energy to deal with it right now. “What?”

“I said, let’s get to the room soon so we can cue everything up,” Hyunwoo says, arms already stacked with the folders they’ll distribute to the people attending. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, but right as he goes to put his phone away it buzzes again. 

It’s a text from Seulgi. 

_Good luck today! We’re still on to celebrate, right? Maybe we can talk after, too :)_

Kihyun stares at the message.

“Hey,” Hyunwoo says. “You okay?” 

Kihyun nods absently. 

“You sure…?” 

Kihyun wills his fingers to move, and types out, _Thanks. Of course. I’ll see you then._

But as he hits _send,_ he feels something terrible wash over him. Something cold and suffocating, sharp where it jabs into his skin, and,

Nope.

Nope, nope, nope. 

Kihyun puts down his phone and leaves Hyunwoo’s office, heading for the supply closet across the hall, and he walks right into it and pulls the door closed behind him.

A second later, he hears the door open and feels someone else enter. The lights flip on. “Kihyun?” 

“Leave me alone,” Kihyun moans. “I need a moment.”

“A moment to…hide in this closet?” Hyunwoo asks. “You got stuff in here to knock over or something?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “No. Shit. _Fuck.”_ He tries to take a deep breath, but fails.

“Whoa,” Hyunwoo says, tone turning serious. “Are you okay?”

“Oh god,” Kihyun rushes out. “This is a mess. Everything is a mess.” He grasps at a shelf beside him. 

“Hey,” Hyunwoo cuts in.

“Don’t,” Kihyun warns, laboring to steady himself. “Don’t start with me now.”

Hyunwoo disobeys. He takes a step closer. “Hey,” he repeats. “You don’t need to freak out. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not,” Kihyun argues, heart hammering in his chest, but Hyunwoo keeps getting closer. He’s so tall and broad, and Kihyun feels like he’s blocking everything else in the room from Kihyun’s sight. He crowds up to Kihyun and reaches for Kihyun’s hands, but he hesitates before taking them. 

Eyeing Kihyun carefully, he says, “Let me help. Before you have pass out, or have a heart attack in here, or something.” 

_God,_ Kihyun really, _really_ doesn’t want to he helped by Hyunwoo—even worse, he doesn’t want to be _touched_ by Hyunwoo—but his heart is galloping so quickly that he’s starting to worry that he might actually have a heart attack, and so he jerks his head in a nod.

Hyunwoo takes Kihyun’s hands in his own giant paws, and his hands are warm, his fingers wrapping around Kihyun’s much more gently than Kihyun might have expected. 

“Breathe in,” Hyunwoo commands, and when Kihyun gives him a _really, motherfucker?_ look, Hyunwoo says, “just do it,” and Kihyun pushes past his irritation and breathes in, focusing on how Hyunwoo’s hands are holding his, and Hyunwoo says, “and out,” and Kihyun breathes out, and tries to set his heartbeat at a slower rhythm, and in again, and he focuses on their linked hands, and out again, and he tries to slow down his heart, and in and out a few more times, until finally he feels, mercifully, his pulse calming.

“Okay, okay,” Kihyun says, with some relief, “I think I’m good. I’m good.”

“Yeah?” Hyunwoo asks, peering at him. 

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now insult me.” 

At Kihyun’s surprised expression, Hyunwoo adds, “come on, be your regular self. Say something shitty.”

“How dare you,” Kihyun criticizes immediately. “I only say shitty things because you deserve them—“

“Oh, you are a whiner and you know it,” cuts in Hyunwoo.

“How do you expect me to deal with you when you’re so—“

“And whining in front of your boss, no less—”

“There it is! If you would let me _finish a sentence,_ then we wouldn’t have this problem to begin with. And!” Kihyun points at the other. “That shirt barely fits you.” It’s true, the button down is way too tight at Hyunwoo’s shoulders and arms, like it’s two sizes too small. “It’s not workplace appropriate. You look like a stripper.”

Hyunwoo pauses. 

“Feel better?” he asks.

Kihyun thinks. “Yeah. Uh, I do.” 

“Good,” Hyunwoo says. “Alright, let’s get out of here.”

They’re still holding hands. Hyunwoo extricates their fingers quickly. Kihyun attends to his own dress shirt, smoothing it down, to avoid eye contact.

“Okay,” Hyunwoo repeats, and gives them another second before he opens the door.

—

The presentation goes fine.

Actually, that’s a lie. It goes _great._

Somehow, despite Kihyun’s entire life being a disgusting, miserable mess, and Hyunwoo and Kihyun fighting each other up until the very last second, as soon as the presentation starts, something _clicks._ And then they flow, working together like they’ve been doing it all their lives—bouncing ideas off each other and switching off speaking roles with no problem, practically finishing each other’s sentences. The energy of it is wild, and each time Hyunwoo turns to look at him, Kihyun knows exactly what needs to happen next; and when Kihyun indicates his head, Hyunwoo knows to hand out the documents they’ve printed; and when it comes time for questions there’s no problem—for the first time that Kihyun can recall, they talk _with_ each other, not over one another.

At the end, Hyunwoo’s boss looks happy, and the group has a lot of compliments and ideas for Hyunwoo and Kihyun. Kihyun accepts the feedback happily, feeling lighter than he has in a while.

“Not bad,” Hyunwoo says to Kihyun quietly, after Hyunwoo’s promised his boss to follow up next week and all of their guests have filed out of the room.

Kihyun checks his phone. “Holy shit. They were here for so long.”

“They had lots of questions,” Hyunwoo says, and his smile is genuinely, unguardedly warm. It’s disarming. “Because they liked what we had to say.” 

Kihyun feels frozen under Hyunwoo’s gaze. But soon someone comes to fetch Hyunwoo, saying he’s got a phone call, and Hyunwoo departs. “I’ll see you later,” he says, cuffing Kihyun’s arm quickly as he heads out.

Kihyun breaths a sigh of relief. And he thinks— _maybe,_ now, things will be fine.

Maybe now he’s out of the woods.

—

And then he has dinner with Seulgi. 

By the time they see each other, Kihyun’s feeling good enough from the presentation that he feels like he can handle it. The restaurant’s nice, and Kihyun’s happy to be there. Seulgi looks beautiful, as always. It’s been a good day, and this is the right way to end it, the two of them celebrating. 

But from the start, something is oddly stilted. It’s so distracting that Kihyun can’t even pay attention to their meal, up until the very end when he figures it out.

“Kihyun,” she says, as he concludes the story of the presentation, and her tone is more serious than usual. “I’m really, really proud of you.”

Kihyun swallows.

Seulgi reaches out and takes his hand. She looks so hopeful. “And how well you’re doing—I think this could mean a lot. For us.”

She smiles. Kihyun tries to smile back.

But all Kihyun can think of—all he can _feel_ —are Hyunwoo’s hands on his, earlier that day. Calming him. Holding him still.

There’s a sinking feeling in Kihyun’s chest, and it spreads through him until his entire body feels cold. 

“Seulgi,” he says.

She unlaces their fingers and ignores him, turning back to her food. “So I think it’s time for us to talk about—”

“Seulgi.”

She looks at him brightly, but when she sees his face her expression drops into something devastating, and Kihyun watches her last, smallest bit of hope fall away.

Kihyun hates himself as he tells her, “We need to talk.”

—

When Kihyun leaves the restaurant, he knows he won’t be able to sleep if he goes straight home, and he won’t be able to relax by reading or watching something. So he decides to head back to work. It’s night, but doing work will keep his mind occupied, at least for a little while, and it’s dark out now, so no one will be in the building to bother him. Good.

He gets onto his floor, though, and there’s someone there. Down the hall from Kihyun, the light in Hyunwoo’s office is on.

Of course. Kihyun tries to avoid being seen, but Hyunwoo must catch sight because he calls, “Kihyun?”

Feeling numb, Kihyun trudges over to Hyunwoo’s office. Hyunwoo’s in there without a tie and, as always, his feet propped up on his desk. 

“I thought that was you,” Hyunwoo greets. “Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”

Normally, Kihyun would snap back, _then why are_ you _here?_ but right now he doesn’t have the energy, so. “Yep,” he says.

Hyunwoo pauses. “You okay?”

Kihyun tries to keep the wobble out of his voice. God, how embarrassing. “Fine.”

Hyunwoo’s brow furrows. “You sure?”

_“Yes,”_ Kihyun says emphatically. He inhales. He hears himself add, “Seulgi and I are done. Uh, for good.”

“Oh,” says Hyunwoo.

Kihyun wipes at his nose.

“Um, alright,” Hyunwoo adds, apparently at a loss. Kihyun belatedly realizes that this is the first time Hyunwoo’s heard Seulgi’s name, but it’s pretty obvious who Kihyun’s talking about.

“Yeah.” Kihyun gestures in the direction of his office. “So. I’m gonna…go.”

“Okay,” says Hyunwoo, and Kihyun heads down the hall.

When Kihyun’s almost reached his office, though, he hears Hyunwoo call after him, “I’m sorry.”

Kihyun flinches. 

But he decides to ignore it. 

So he just heads into his office, unlocking and entering it and setting down his bag, and moving some things around so he can use his keyboard, and sitting down and turning on his computer, but he’s in his chair for maybe five seconds before he feels an anger unlike _anything_ he’s ever felt before in his life, so intense and all-consuming that he finds himself standing up and striding back down the hallway and straight into Hyunwoo’s office and shouting, “You’re _sorry?”_

Hyunwoo, with his feet still on his desk, doesn’t even move—he just looks at Kihyun with both eyebrows raised. “Excuse me?”

“You’re _sorry,”_ Kihyun repeats, livid. “That’s the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever heard in my _life.”_

Slowly, Hyunwoo asks, “Is this about your girlfriend?” 

Kihyun grits out, “She’s _not_ my girlfriend anymore.” 

Hyunwoo shrugs. He _shrugs._ “What do you want me to say?”

“Fuck you,” spits Kihyun.

Hyunwoo flinches, but immediately locks his expression back down. 

“Calm down,” he orders.

“Don’t you fucking dismiss me.” When Hyunwoo doesn’t respond, Kihyun says, _“pay attention_ to me,” and _smacks_ Hyunwoo’s feet off his desk.

That gets a reaction. As soon as Hyunwoo’s feet hit the floor, he stands up and closes in on Kihyun. And he’s as tall and broad and imposing as always, but it doesn’t scare Kihyun right now, because right now Kihyun just _doesn’t give a shit._

“You need to leave my office,” Hyunwoo says.

Kihyun ignores him. “This is all your fault,” he hisses.

Incredulous, Hyunwoo asks, “It’s my fault you broke up with your girlfriend?” 

Kihyun’s voice breaks as he says, “You fucked up my entire life.” 

_“I_ did?” Hyunwoo says. He pauses, then huffs a mean laugh. “You mean, because I showed up and made you realize you want to be fucked by a man?”

Kihyun slaps Hyunwoo.

Kihyun’s hand leaves Hyunwoo’s cheek, and for a moment Hyunwoo’s face is caught in profile, the arc of his cheekbone glinting in the fluorescent light of the office, and then he turns back to Kihyun and surges forward and kisses him.

There’s a second where Kihyun is so surprised that all he feels is the hot shock of the moment, of Hyunwoo’s mouth on his—before he wrenches himself away and pushes at Hyunwoo’s chest, shoving him back, and slaps him again.

Hyunwoo barely reacts, staring down at Kihyun with dark eyes and full lips hanging open as he pants, and Kihyun feels like he’s going to explode, like his chest is trying to contain some sort of combustion that’s going to burn him up from the inside out. 

“Fuck,” Kihyun moans miserably, and he kisses Hyunwoo.

The feeling of it is like plunging into something—something warm and familiar and soft and enveloping—and it’s so right, so fitting, that Kihyun moans with relief, and Hyunwoo wraps Kihyun up in his arms and picks him up to press them closer, so that Kihyun’s feet actually lift up off the floor.

Hyunwoo pulls away and his breath fans across Kihyun’s bruised lips, and he says, “I’m not sorry, not at all,” and he kisses Kihyun again, so hard that Kihyun almost feels light-headed, drunk on something ecstatic but singularly painful.

Hyunwoo picks Kihyun up fully and deposits him on the desk, so he’s sat right on the edge, and without knowing why he does it, Kihyun automatically parts his legs—but he understands when Hyunwoo steps forward so that his hips are cradled between Kihyun’s and their hips meet. An electric shock flashes through Kihyun, and he has the tremendous realization that they’re both partly hard, and Kihyun fists his hands in Hyunwoo’s shirt. Hyunwoo teases Kihyun’s tongue into his mouth and sucks on it, and when he grinds his crotch against Kihyun’s, Kihyun has to pull his mouth away to gasp for air. 

Hyunwoo takes the opportunity to suck a vicious bruise onto Kihyun’s neck, and Kihyun can’t stop himself from crying out. 

“God,” Hyunwoo growls into Kihyun’s ear, “I want to fuck you so bad.”

Kihyun’s pulse jumps, his fingers twisting tighter in Hyunwoo’s shirt. He doesn’t know what it means for Hyunwoo to fuck him—he’s made sure his entire life that he didn’t know exactly, _entirely_ what two men do together—but all he knows now is that whatever it is Hyunwoo’s going to do to him, he wants it, _badly._

Hyunwoo reaches around Kihyun to shove a bunch of stuff off his desk, and presses Kihyun to lie back against the cleared surface. Hyunwoo pulls away and starts to undo his button-down, yanking the shirt over his broad shoulders, and Kihyun keeps a hold on some part of Hyunwoo the whole time, hands tangled in clothes and then fingers on skin, like he’s holding on for dear life. Hyunwoo pulls off his undershirt too and Kihyun bites into his bottom lip and run his hands over the planes of Hyunwoo’s muscled chest, wanting _more,_ closer, closer. 

Hyunwoo leans forward to undress Kihyun too, but he pauses first and looks to Kihyun. Kihyun nods, a little frantically, and off comes Kihyun’s tie, and his shirt, and Kihyun rushes Hyunwoo’s hands to get his undershirt and pants off too. Once Kihyun’s bare Hyunwoo steps out of the rest of his own clothing, and for a second Kihyun is mortified by his own nudity, so obviously flushed and aroused for Hyunwoo to see, but then Hyunwoo bends back down and lowers himself onto Kihyun and their hips meet _and—_

—this must be what Kihyun was waiting for, what they were racing towards together, _this_ feeling, this sizzling, exquisite spark flooding Kihyun’s whole body. Hyunwoo presses down hard and slides his arms under Kihyun’s back to hold on, and begins to thrusts up against Kihyun, and Kihyun wants to be embarrassed for moaning so loudly and uncontrollably but he can’t, he can’t stop himself, it feels so _good._

Hyunwoo’s weight bears down on Kihyun deliciously, and Kihyun locks his legs around Hyunwoo’s waist and rocks in time with each thrust. “Oh god,” Kihyun babbles, “oh god. Shit.” He didn’t even know they could do this, or that he could be in contact with another person like this, that he could feel like this. They’re sweat-slick and hot where they touch, and Kihyun’s quick inhales match Hyunwoo’s low, desperate sounds. 

“Fuck, you’re so,” Hyunwoo gasps into Kihyun’s ear, and he moves a hand up to press his thumb against Kihyun’s lips, to just press gently there, and Kihyun begs, “harder.” And when Hyunwoo obeys, Kihyun realizes that Hyunwoo was right all along. _Everyone_ was right all along, about Kihyun. He’s exactly who they all thought he was.

The shame wells up inside him, competing with the pleasure he’s feeling, until it breaks out of him and Kihyun finds himself shaking, real cries punctuating his gasps. He can’t even pretend to cover it up, and Hyunwoo notices, of course, and moves his hands up to cradle Kihyun’s face, and he murmurs “shh, shh,” and kisses Kihyun so tenderly that it aches, that Kihyun fucking hates it because he doesn’t want that, doesn’t deserve it.

Hyunwoo moves carefully, splaying a gentle hand on Kihyun’s face. “Feels good?” he whispers, and Kihyun nods, biting back more tears. “Is it okay?” he adds breathlessly, and Kihyun understands he's asking if they should continue, and Kihyun nods again. More tears slip from his eyes, streaking down to his temples, as Hyunwoo presses him into the desk again and again. 

Kihyun’s sounds turn sharp when Hyunwoo holds him tighter, and moves harder against him, until it’s too much, until the sensations strain at Kihyun and overtake him—until he feels like he might die—and he comes with more force than he thinks he ever has in his life, surprising himself by releasing onto his own stomach and cursing through it. 

Hyunwoo comes a minute after, kissing Kihyun and gasping against his mouth, pulsing onto Kihyun’s stomach as well, but he doesn’t even take a second to catch his breath before he’s cradling Kihyun’s face in his hands, the anguish welling up in Kihyun once more as he breaks into full-blown sobs. 

Hyunwoo soothes him again, thumbing the tears away, even though there’s too many for him to catch. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Hyunwoo says, kissing under Kihyun’s eyes, and he stays and holds Kihyun until his cries calm.

—

They separate, and Hyunwoo helps Kihyun get up off the desk and stand, then hands over some kind of tissue he pulls out of his desk so they can each clean themselves. Hyunwoo even angles a tissue at Kihyun’s face to wipe at his leftover tears. 

They retrieve their clothes from the floor and dress themselves back up, but when he’s in all but his button-down, Hyunwoo stands there and watches Kihyun finish with shaky hands. 

“Are you okay,” Hyunwoo asks. 

Kihyun answers honestly, “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Again, Kihyun answers, “I don’t know.” 

Hyunwoo leans down and picks something up, and offers it to Kihyun. Kihyun’s tie. 

“Maybe you can let me know,” he says, as Kihyun takes it. “How you’re doing, after…when you’re ready.”

Kihyun grabs his shoes off the floor. He’s not upset with Hyunwoo, he just—he wants to be out of here. Needs to be out of this place. “Sure,” he says. “I gotta go.” And he leaves.


	2. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends. thank you all for being so terribly patient while i have returned to this story. i've had a tough time of things lately so everyone's support and encouragement has meant a lot. i am glad to be able to bring this story back, and chapter three is on its way, i promise much, much quicker this time around (and back to kihyun pov). you all really spoiled me with comments from the last chapter, too, so thank you! i hope you enjoy.

Hyunwoo wonders if he has made a mistake.

Not in wanting Kihyun, or in acting on it. But in doing this huge thing between them that could change things forever. That could hurt Kihyun. 

Seeing how Kihyun held himself after they fucked—it scared Hyunwoo, a little bit. He should’ve thought about it more before acting. But he was so excited to be close to Kihyun that he didn’t think. Hyunwoo wanted so badly to hold him in his hands that he forgot that Kihyun was fragile. Really fragile. 

After Kihyun leaves, Hyunwoo realizes that it's very likely they won’t see each other for a while. Kihyun will probably keep his distance for a few days. Maybe more. Hyunwoo won’t blame him. Still, Hyunwoo meanders around the office for a while, as if it will somehow close the distance between them quicker. The feeling that he's irreversably hurt Kihyun won't leave him, and no amount of movement seems to diminish it.

Eventually, Hyunwoo forces himself to leave the building and go home, where he wanders around as well, until he can no longer avoid the pull of sleep. 

It seems he’ll just have to wait.

—

Except he doesn’t have to wait at all. 

Kihyun shows up to work like nothing's happened. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, stepping into Hyunwoo’s office Monday morning, holding a stack of papers. 

“Oh,” Hyunwoo says, startled. As always, Hyunwoo's heart takes the sight of Kihyun as permission to catapult into delight. “Hi.” 

Kihyun stations himself at the side of Hyunwoo's desk, and Hyunwoo opens his mouth to say more, but. 

But.

Kihyun’s not looking at him.

His posture is slack, and there are dark circles under his eyes, and there’s none of his usual brightness, not even the dazzling anger to which Hyunwoo has grown accustomed. Hyunwoo watches Kihyun, and Kihyun’s eyes dart around the room, steadfastly avoiding him. He holds out a packet for Hyunwoo to take. 

Hyunwoo doesn't take it. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be here,” he begins.

“Yeah,” Kihyun says. 

Hyunwoo asks, “Are you alright?”

Kihyun flinches. 

“I’m fine." 

Hyunwoo tries, “If you want to—”

“Everything’s fine,” Kihyun repeats. He looks pointedly at the papers he's holding out to Hyunwoo. 

Hyunwoo's heart sinks. 

"Alright," he says, and he reluctantly takes them. 

Kihyun nods to himself. 

They pass the rest of the documents back and forth until they’re all signed.

“Thanks,” Kihyun mumbles, re-settling them in his arms and walking back out the door.

—

Hyunwoo tries again, at the end of the day, when he passes by Kihyun’s office and catches the other packing up. Kihyun doesn't acknowledge Hyunwoo as he pauses in the doorway. 

“They approved our budget,” Hyunwoo announces. It's a weak opening, but he doesn't know where else to begin. The thing about being around Kihyun is, Hyunwoo’s never had to come up with a conversation opener before. There were always words out of one (or both) of their mouths as soon as they saw each other, without thought ahead of time. 

“Oh,” is all Kihyun says, still packing his bag. “Cool.” 

He shifts minutely, and the top of a faded bruise peeks out from under the collar of his dress shirt. 

Hyunwoo feels his own neck heat as he realizes he’s the one who left the bruise. 

He snaps himself back to the conversation. “Maybe we can catch up on it tomorrow,” he offers. “The budget.”

“Sure,” says Kihyun. 

He slings his bag over his shoulder and once again walks out, right through the doorway, past Hyunwoo and out of sight. 

—

On any given day, now, Hyunwoo's lucky to catch Kihyun in person for more than a second. 

He seems to have secluded himself away, not just from Hyunwoo but from everyone. His office door is now constantly ajar, only the smallest touch open, like he knows it can’t actually, officially be shut while he’s at work, but still wishes it could be. Hyunwoo's even missed the sight of Kihyun's work friend, Hoseok, around the floor lately. Hyunwoo feels like he used to catch Hoseok loitering around constantly, laughing and joking with Kihyun. Now he feels embarrassed that he had ever felt jealous about the two of them. 

Hyunwoo isn’t entirely sure what message he’s supposed to be getting, but he knows what it _isn’t._ It isn't an invitation to be close to Kihyun, or to talk about what happened between them. Or to even acknowledge it. Every one of his attempts to engage a conversation falls flat. It's somewhat embarrassing, but mostly it's worrying.

One afternoon, Hyunwoo treks to the copy room and finds Kihyun in there already, standing in front of the xerox machine. His back is to Hyunwoo, and he doesn't seem to have noticed Hyunwoo's arrival as he just stands there, not moving, head bowed forward and titled down towards the machine.

He’s still like that for so long that Hyunwoo starts to get a little concerned, until he spots one of Kihyun’s fingers tracing a pattern on an edge of the machine. He drags his hand along the edge absently, back and forth, lost in his own thoughts. 

Hyunwoo glimpses Kihyun's face as he turns his head slightly, and his expression is uncharacteristically blank, his eyes focused on the movement of his slender fingers. Hyunwoo takes a quiet step back. 

Whatever he was going to do can wait. 

—

Through every one of their stilted conversations, Hyunwoo imagines himself reaching out and taking Kihyun’s face in his hands, and just holding him like that. He always imagines that once he does it, the anxiety drains right out of Kihyun, and he smiles or laughs or spits one of his sharp insults like Hyunwoo's used to. It's silly. Hyunwoo tells himself to let it go.

—

“Hey! Hey,” cries Youngjae, accosting Hyunwoo in the cafeteria and practically crushing him into a surprise hug. "How are you?"

Youngjae has always been not-great with physical boundaries, but Hyunwoo doesn’t mind. Youngjae's a sweet enough guy. "Fine."

 _"Fine,"_ Youngjae mimics back in a low voice. Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. In his own voice, Youngjae adds, "I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Well,” Hyunwoo reminds him sarcastically, “I work on another floor now, you know.”

Youngjae scoffs. “I _know,”_ he whines, but he’s still smiling. “Speaking of! Your number’s almost up.”

Hyunwoo insides turn cold.

“What?” he asks stiffly.

“You know! You’re almost done.” Youngjae waves a hand. “Especially since you guys did that presentation, you and, whatshisname, Gikwang—”

“Kihyun.”

“—right, Kihyun! I know his face, that’s what matters! Anyway, you did great, I heard about that, by the way, about your presentation being awesome. So, well done!”

_Right._

For the first time since he's started this job, Hyunwoo’s forgotten about having to leave a department. 

“It wasn’t like the place was terrible,” Hyunwoo comments.

“Oh, no,” Youngjae clarifies, “I’m sure the people were great.” Hyunwoo gets what he means, but still, slight irritation pings at the surface of his skin. “I was just saying," Youngjae continues, "you tied up all the loose ends. You’re a great fixer.”

Hyunwoo doesn't say anything. He feels like he did the opposite of fix things in Kihyun’s department. 

“Anyway. Come see me for a debrief and we’ll get you another spot,” Youngjae promises. 

He presents the offer of relocating Hyunwoo to another department like it’s very enticing, and Hyunwoo understands why. Youngjae regularly relocates Hyunwoo, it’s the nature of both their jobs. But in this moment, nothing seems more unappealing.

Youngjae’s brow furrows. “Or do you think you need more time there?”

An image flashes through Hyunwoo mind: Kihyun’s listless figure, facing away from Hyunwoo in the copy room, entranced by his own minute movements. 

Youngjae peers at him.

"I'll figure it out," Hyunwoo finally says, using a tone meant to communicate that he's done talking about it.

Youngjae’s expression clears. “Sure! Just think on it and let me know, okay?”

Hyunwoo inclines his head. 

“Either way, you should be proud,” Youngjae complements, shoving at Hyunwoo's arm again. “That’s a lot of consulting you've done. And this one in record time!” 

Hyunwoo feels awash with shame. “Thanks.”

—

Eventually, Kihyun and Hyunwoo have to sustain a prolonged moment together in the same room. It comes after a little more than a week: one of those meetings they've both been going to. 

Hyunwoo wants to ask Kihyun ahead of time if he’s attending, but he's pretty sure it will accomplish nothing, like all of their recent conversations, so he decides to go on his own and let Kihyun make a decision about whether or not to show up too.

Kihyun does show up. Early, in fact; as early as Hyunwoo. It visibly bothers him to arrive and find that he and Hyunwoo are the only ones there so far. But he apparently resigns himself to it, dropping into a chair and looking squarely down at the table. 

Hyunwoo can't help but stare at him. He knows it's bad, he knows he shouldn't do it, but it's just that Kihyun looks so tired that Hyunwoo can't ignore it. His shirt is usually ill-fitting, seeming much too large on him. He looks like he could snap in half with just the slightest touch.

He won’t get an answer, but Hyunwoo still asks. “You okay?” 

“Fine,” Kihyun says absently.

Right.

Eventually, everyone else starts to to trickle in, and the meeting starts. It's almost completely uneventful, and Hyunwoo barely has to speak during it. Most of the content isn't important to Hyunwoo anyway.

At the end, everyone else files back out, except for Kihyun, who stays in his chair, looking at nothing. 

The moment feels like the opposite of the high they'd shared after their presentation, just a handful of days ago. Hyunwoo jokes, “The least they could do is let us drink during these.”

Kihyun snaps to attention. It takes a second, and then Hyunwoo is chilled by the realization that he might have just watched Kihyun fall asleep in his seat.

“Okay,” Kihyun says briskly, standing from his chair, “well, I guess I’ll see you later.” 

He pats his pockets, looking confused.

Hyunwoo spots Kihyun’s phone on his chair, where it must've fallen from one of his pockets. “Here, I’ll—” Without thinking, he stands up and reaches across Kihyun for the phone. 

At the movement, though, Kihyun’s entire body startles, jolting back. 

He scrambles in panic, reeling back and knocking over the chair he’d just been in, and both he and the chair tumble to the ground. 

There’s a long pause, and a stilted, terrible silence hanging in the air between them, and then Kihyun releases a dry, empty sob, covering his face with his hands.

Oh, no, no. God. Hyunwoo feels like something's slicing into his chest. He lowers himself to the floor, too, a careful distance from Kihyun. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, wishing more than anything that he could pull Kihyun into his arms. 

“No, no,” Kihyun babbles.

Hyunwoo swallows. “This is my fault.” 

“It's not, I just,” Kihyun tries, “I can’t—”

His shoulders slump as he lapses into labored, shaky breaths, and Hyunwoo resolves himself. 

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo says, “I’m going to ask them to put me in another department for a while.” 

“No, no,” Kihyun pulls his hands away from his face, looking more lost than ever, “don’t, you don’t have to—”

“I do.” 

Kihyun’s chin quivers. 

Hyunwoo picks Kihyun’s phone up from where it's fallen to the floor, holding it out to the other.

After a pause, Kihyun latches onto the phone and Hyunwoo’s hand both, pulling them in. Hyunwoo automatically moves closer, magnetized helplessly to Kihyun like always. 

Kihyun looks at Hyunwoo with the painful openness and exhaustion of a person who hasn't slept in days. “I messed up,” he whispers. 

They hold eye contact, and for just a second, Hyunwoo gets a glimpse of just how treacherous and hateful this forced self-discovery has been for Kihyun.

“You didn’t,” Hyunwoo murmurs.

He reaches out slowly and gently takes Kihyun’s face in his hands, like he’d imagined all those times. It doesn’t fix everything the way he wanted it to. It doesn’t make Kihyun all better, and he knew it wouldn't. But he can see Kihyun relax minutely, and it gives Hyunwoo the smallest sense of hope. 

They meet in the middle for something that’s not even a kiss—more like the idea of a kiss, a brush of lips, aching, quick like they couldn't help it, so fast it almost didn't happen. Then they share shaky breaths for one—two—two and a half seconds, before Hyunwoo pushes himself away.

He steps up and back from Kihyun, who watches with wide eyes, expression twisting between emotions. 

“Come talk to me,” Hyunwoo says, and the words are so hard to get out, “when you're ready.” 

Kihyun nods slowly, eyes still wide. 

And Hyunwoo leaves.

—

So it seems that Hyunwoo will be waiting for Kihyun after all.


End file.
